So I thought this week’s blog should be something a little different. I don’t think the blogosphere needs another analysis of Ashton Agar (legend), a character assassination of Stuart Broad (terrible prick), a guess at the royal baby’s name (Elizabeth) or analysis on the likely election date (September 14). That’s for all the other clowns to gibber on about. I also thought I might talk about the experience of crashing my wife’s car on the weekend (humiliating), the excellent service from O’Brien glass (efficient and excellent) and the lovely lady Mandy at AAMI (as radiant as a sunrise) because too often these forums are about bagging crappy service and not enough people thank companies for their good work. So thanks AAMI and O’Brien – and sorry Sally about the car.
Nope, not going to do any of this. This week’s blog, ladies and gentlemen features for the first time EVER in the public domain, the legendary and closely guarded HATE LIST.
A couple of years ago, I discovered an industrious and perceptive (soon to be ex) employee had started “Stuart’s Hate List” and had secretly circulated it around the office. Apparently it became terrific sport and once I bought into it (of course from the get go I thought the idea brilliant) we would add things to the hate list but rarely, if ever, take things off. I think once you are on the hate list, you stay forever. So here it is. Take many grains of salt. I have offered explanations for some. Perhaps over the forthcoming weeks I will explain a few more of them – I mean honestly why hate denim shoes and Peugeot drivers??
You get it, don’t you . . . you hate them both, too.
Stu’s HATE list – July 2013
- People asking for directions
- Weddings on a Friday
- Tight bastards
- People who don’t say thank you
- People who are rude to hospitality staff
- Dips and cheese at events – seriously this is a MAJOR hate
- Stupid little food at fancy restaurants
- Denim shoes
- People who ask you to give them free booze for their birthday party or wedding or anniversary (go to Dan Murphy’s you cheap bastard)
- Tandoori chicken
- Stupid wine glasses – anything slightly novelty or blue
- Traffic – most particularly that goddam stupid, skinny M5 tunnel and Wyndham Street, Alexandria
- Non-traditional black-tie – how hard is it to bow a tie or tie a bow, dribbler
- People who retire early
- Two-faced, bare-faced liars
- People who are ALWAYS late
- People who don’t drink
- People with stupid, alleged allergies to wine “Oh I have an allergy to shiraz, BUT I’M FINE with Cab Sav” Jesus spare me . . .
- Melbourne taxi drivers
- Cats – the animal AND the musical
- Men with signet rings
- Sommeliers with stupid lapel badges
- The words “plonk”, “vino”, “tipple” and FOODIE
- Showbiz parents – and show biz kids
- Contemporary dance
- People who pretend to hate nothing
PLEASE NOTE BLOG FOLLOWERS – this list was MUCH more comprehensive before the evil Liquid Ideas internal censorship department got their hands on it. For the full, unexpurgated version you will probably have to get a job here . . .